#49

PLANT A TREE



I've never planted a tree by myself. The closest I can ever remember coming to actually planting something was for a science fair project in middle school. The plants died.

My mom was in town this past weekend and she actually bought the tree for me. It had been a couple of days and I figured today was as good a day as any to put the Japanese maple in the ground. It was slightly difficult at first and it was hot outside. I kept wondering what on earth compelled me to pick 5 o'clock during a summer day to plant this tree. Insanity is the only suitable answer I could find.

If this was not a task on my list, I would have (a) never decided to plant a tree on my own to begin with or (b) given up and asked my neighbor to help me out. I'm glad I didn't do either of those. There are a couple of big things I have come to realize after doing this.

First...
I am so glad I dug the hole and planted the tree on my own. The feeling of being independent is great. My biggest problem is that I tend to go overboard and think I need to do everything myself. It is something I have been guilty of most of my life and now that I'm a single mom, it's even worse. I have affectionately dubbed it "Single Mom Syndrome". BUT... how do I balance this? If someone offers to help me, usually I say, "I can get it. Thanks, anyway." It must be so frustrating for people. The best thing for me, personally, to hear is, "Yes. I know you CAN get it. I want to help you. Just let me freaking help you, Ana." (Said with love and a smile, of course) This is something that I continually have to work on. I'll get there...someday.

Second (and probably the most difficult)...
Let's go back to that whole 'quit before you fail' mentality I've talked about before. Within the first few digs with the shovel, I was having negative thoughts. The ground was a too rough. I didn't have enough upper body strength. It was going to take too long. It was to stinking hot. I was full of excuses. Then, I kept thinking, "This is on your list. You are going to get it done. Don't quit." I tell my children often (mostly my little girl) that we do not quit in our house. We may have to take a break for awhile but we never quit. This may not be something I am all that great at but it is something I am working on. It is DEFINITELY something that comes easier the more I help my children with it. I love knowing that I have changed so much from the girl/woman I used to be. What I really love is the fact that I still continue to grow and change every day. Hopefully, that will never stop.

I am trying to become more fearless everyday. I want to be free from the idea that I can't do anything. Like I told my little boy the other day, "We don't say 'can't'." Things may be difficult but we HAVE the ability. We CAN!

TASK #49 ... COMPLETED 6/2