#30

WRITE A LETTER TO MY DAD

Right now might not be the best time to do this. Or maybe it is. It's about 11:30pm the day after Father's Day. It's been an emotionally draining day. It's late. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm a woman; therefore, I'm emotional.

The last time I heard from my dad (the man who raised me) was about 5 years ago - maybe longer. A quick summary of the story is this: I had to be the one to keep the relationship going (I always initiated contact), I waited to hear from him ... nothing. Several months had passed when I finally put a wall up around that part of my heart and then, I got a package in the mail. I didn't actually get the package. Trusty ol' UPS attempted to bring it three times when I wasn't home. Instead of rescheduling the drop off, I let the package go back to the sender... my dad.

It's taken some time - mostly me swallowing that jagged pill called Pride - for me to realize exactly what the package meant. It was a peace offering. It was his way of trying to open up communication again. It ultimately was a dagger from me straight into his heart.

I didn't - and still don't - know what I am hoping to accomplish from writing this letter. Was it something that God was using to help me get over my 'daddy issues'? Am I supposed to have a relationship with him again? I have no idea. There are still a mixture of emotions. What I do know is that I hurt him. This man who went from bachelor to instant dad without having a father of his own to model after. A man who did the best he knew how to do when he chose to love my mom - and an 8-year old little girl and her 6-year old little brother.

Mostly, what I have discovered through this - or been reminded of - is that I have a Father who has loved me before I was ever created. Instead of having a pity party on Father's Day, I am thankful for the Love I have received my entire life. Unfailing. Unconditional. Love. It's a wonderful feeling. It's hard to remember at times but then I have the wonderful people He has placed in my life to remind me of it. Even if they have to grab me by the shoulders and shake me.

TASK #30 ... COMPLETED 6/19