Not a Bucket List...

When I tell people about my list, the first thing they say is “Is this a Bucket List?”. Definitely NOT… I do not plan to die December 31, 2009. A bucket list essentially is a list of things that one wishes to do before “kicking the bucket”. I hope that God has planned for me to be around for a long time to come. There are still too many things to experience.

I gave a little snippet of why I started this list but let me try to explain a little more. As I recall it (my mom may say differently), I have been afraid to try anything for the majority of my life. I did not want to be bad at anything and failure was not an option. Most people would have tried harder so they wouldn’t fail. Not me. I always quit before I had a chance to fail. Not something I am proud of but it is something I have come to realize about myself. Denying it any longer is just silly - for lack of better words. (Sorry, I’ve been hanging out with a 6 – and 4-year old).

I picked up softball pretty quick and stuck with it. I enjoyed cheerleading. When I finally made the high school squad, I was excited until I struggled with a stunt at the first practice and one of the guys made fun of me. At the time, it seemed my decision to quit was because I could get a scholarship to pay for softball (although I was no star at it). Years later, I realize it was just part of my M.O. Quit before you fail.

This attitude has extended into relationships as well. The whole ‘quit before you fail’ mentality turned into ‘leave before you are left.’ I can think of at least a handful of friendships that have ended at the first sign of conflict. It always seemed to hurt less when I had control of the situation. In essence, I was only setting myself up for major failures as an adult.

I could go on about it and there are more instances where you would get a better idea of why I started this list. It is as much as I wish to reveal on such an open forum.

Back to the list…

I tried my 3-point shot yesterday. I found myself making excuses for not being able to hit it. Specifically, the fact that I have no upper body strength. My coach (one of my students and a part of the girls’ basketball team) gave me some tips for getting around that. No excuses now.

I have been practicing my guitar and struggle with the C chord. Again, my initial thought is that I have short stubby fingers.

It always seems easiest to make excuses. My first step is to work through the excuses. Eventually, I want to just try it and have no excuse for why I fail at it. I want to try it without fear of embarrassment. Pride is an awful thing. I plan to conquer it.