There are certain times when I am reminded of the absence of my father. I recently realized how much I still allow that to hold me back. It is so much easier to dwell on the negative things in our lives than all the blessings.
Let me explain... I have three uncles and a grandfather who have always been important parts of my life. My biological father left when I was four. We lived with my grandparents until my mom got remarried right before I turned 9. Her husband became 'Dad'. He taught me how to throw a ball and he sat on the bleachers through many rainy softball games while everyone else ran for cover. He introduced me to James Taylor's music while I sat on the floor and stared at his fingers as they gracefully moved along the neck of his guitar. His own father was absent from his life so he did the best he could in helping my mom parent me and my brother. I can tell you that was no easy feat. It's been over twenty years since my mom and 'Dad' got married, over ten years since they split up, almost eight years since my mom got remarried to my stepdad, and about five years since I last spoke to my 'Dad'.
By this point, you are probably wondering what any of this has to do with changing a tire. Nothing really. The first thought that went through my head was "Every father should teach his little girl how to do this". This was just the catalyst to a number of different thoughts and ultimately to the above ramblings.
Like I said before, I think God has a bigger plan for this list than just learning origami or changing a tire. The lessons I am learning are helping me work through issues - past and present. They are helping me realize what I am capable of. Learning how to change a tire was liberating. It reminded me that I don't NEED a man to get things done. It is moving me slowly from feeling the NEED for a man around to simply having a desire to have one around.
I started reading some C.S. Lewis books after a friend gave me "Mere Christianity" ( a GREAT book by the way if you have not read it). One of my favorites by Lewis though is "The Great Divorce". It tells the tale of a traveler who appears in Hell (in a dream) and gets on a bus with other passengers on a trip into Heaven. The passengers see loved ones in Heaven and those loved ones try to convince the passengers to stay in Heaven. One of these conversations occurs between a husband and a wife. The husband is one of the passengers on the bus while the wife is in Heaven. She is trying to tell her husband that she didn't need him. He gets offended because he thinks she is insulting him. The wife tries to explain that her love for him is a more pure love now that it is not based out of need. I thought this passage was extremely moving. It gave me a new found desire for my next relationship. Imagine just being with someone because you WANT to. Not because he keeps you from being lonely. Not because he has high social status. Not because he has an impressive career. Simply because your preference is to be with him. I can only imagine the intensity of the love that can grow out of that.
TASK #27...COMPLETED 2/21
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