#68

RIDE IN A CONVERTIBLE WITH THE TOP DOWN

This weekend, I flew with J to Peoria (affectionately referred to P'town by J and his friends). It was my first trip there and first time meeting J's friend, Nuwan. A wonderful man with a brilliant English accent and a sweet BMW Z5 convertible.

I had been looking forward to this week for awhile knowing I was not only going to cross this off my list but I was going to be able to do it in such a sweet ride.

Our original plan was not just to cross this off the list. We traveled to this tiny little town in Illinois to celebrate the engagement of J's friend, Nuwan, to his fiancee, Niyati. I got to meet a bunch of friends that I had heard a ton about but now I finally got to put names and faces together. (And have been to P'town another time since Nuwan & Niyati's engagement party)

Nuwan and Niyati are getting married in December with two awesome celebrations in India and Sri Lanka, where they are from. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to make that trek but I know that J is SUPER excited to celebrate with them.

Congratulations, Nuwan and Niyati!!

TASK #68 ... COMPLETED 8/29

#58

SHOOT THE HOOCH

So we were running a little short on time for tubing down the Chattahoochee River. J and I took the kids. We thought it was a great day for tubing ... and so did everyone else. There were parts where the river was peaceful and we had room to breathe. I would say that it was quiet but Katy and Ty were yakking the WHOLE time (what can I say? they come by it honestly).

I'm sitting here THREE MONTHS after the fact and keep thinking about one thing. At some point, we were slightly separated from each other (not far, but not clinging onto each others tubes). The kids were behind us a bit so I don't know exactly what happened but I remember turning around to see Tyler out of his tube. His flip flop off and Katy starting to drift further away. I could see that Ty was scared and my heart began to pulse a little quicker than normal. He could swim but the water wasn't still and people were bumping into him. SERIOUSLY?!

It's not hard to see a 5 year old in the water. At least a handful of people bumped into Tyler and me, all the while Katy is floating further down stream. What seemed like forever was only a matter of moments. I heard Katy calling for me and shouted back "Grab onto a rock!". I looked at J who was trying to figure out how to help and just shouted "Get the girl." hahaha...

I was able to retrieve Tyler but the flip flop was long gone. Katy held onto a rock not far down the river until J got to her. She was so brave!

From that point, we were interlocked the rest of the way down the river with no major trauma to be heard of. That is of course until I get a therapy bill 10 years from now.


TASK #58 ... COMPLETED 8/22

#89

JUMP ON A TRAMPOLINE


I had SO much fun the night I jumped on the trampoline. J and I (with the kids) 'babysat' for a wonderful couple so they could go out on a date. J sent them to the Brickstore in Decatur (mmm....mmm...good). What a great family! They have a set of twin boys in middle school (little gentlemen) and a little girl the same age as mine (such a little doll). We all had a water balloon/hose fight, ate Papa John's pizza & ice cream sundaes. I love watching all of them jump (including J). They had no fear and enjoyed every minute of it.

True to form, there was something else that was on my mind when it came to jumping on a trampoline. There was a message at church that made me think about it. So, think about the movement on a trampoline as our movement in life. We have our ups and downs. Easy enough to see that comparison, right? BUT... have you ever thought about the momentum you build in the ups and downs? The harder you land on the trampoline the more momentum you gain on the upswing. Just like life...

Sometimes (perhaps all the time), God uses those low points in our lives to grow us up bigger and better than before. We just have to make the choice to trust in Him to get us through it. The lowest time of my life has become the greatest turn around in my life. I spent four years going through the process of my divorce and recovery and ultimately, God used it to bring me to Him (and closer still every day). I spent so many days and nights beating myself up about the dissolution of my marriage. But, there are so many things along the way when I see that He was in constant pursuit of me.

Dec. 2005 - Aug 2006
Unknowingly being given the name of a divorce attorney who is also a believer
That very same attorney in no uncertain terms telling me that I needed to "get [my] butt in church"

Aug 2006
Being assigned as a mentor at work to a teacher (my friend, Lauren) who just finished a 2-year mission trip in Bosnia
Unknowingly attending the very same church where Lauren was attending which sparked...
Lauren becoming MY mentor as I became more interested in Christ and what a relationship with Him looked like

Oct 2006
After months of hoping for the divorce to be done by my birthday (so I could begin the healing process), I signed the papers on Oct. 26th 2006 (two days before my birthday)

Oct 2006 - Aug 2007
Joining a single moms' small group and being encouraged to join DivorceCare when the small groups went on a summer hiatus
Coming to the realization (with the help of one particular DivorceCare video) that God forgave me and turned the ugliness of my divorce into my chance at redemption

Aug 2007
Finally deciding that I was going to get baptised

Feb 2008
Getting baptised on February 17th

April 2008
After months of hoping I could get in the same room to talk to my ex and try to explain that I didn't hate him, God presented a bit of turmoil in our family that gave him no other way to deal with it other than to be in the same room. A few quiet moments alone just happened accidentally and I feel that God pushed me from there. That was the breakthrough in our relationship. When we began to communicate a little better. I couldn't understand why we would have to deal with what we did until He told me 'see. you got him in the same room with you. you got to tell him how you feel.'

July 2008
Receiving a clear indication from the Lord (after reading a secular book on dating) that He didn't want me to worry about dating anymore. "Just live your life. I'll bring him to you."

January 2009
Starting this list. Facing some long held fears. Figuring out what I enjoy doing and growing spiritually through the process of doing the list and blogging the list.

March 2009 - today...
Beginning to date, J. A good friend of mine. Someone who was brought into my life just like God said. Who has encouraged me since I've known him. Who has been patient with me when I get frustrated, made me laugh when I get sad and made me feel safe when I get scared. Who has become my very best friend. The absolute love of my life... And we really haven't even started the adventure yet.


There's noone who can tell me that isn't a HUGE bounceback.


TASK #89 ... COMPLETED 8/21

#84

WRITE A LETTER TO MYSELF

Sometimes it is in the midst of a low point in our life (actually, I take that back) ... It is always in the midst of a low point in our lives that the Lord does his best work on us. I mean, what better way to bring us back to Him than when we are totally broken before Him on our knees weeping.

There have been many times throughout my life when the enemy has tried to make me feel like I am less than. It was through reading the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge that I came to some amazing realizations. Here's the gist of it ... God created Adam (man) to represent the essence of His strength. Eve (woman) to represent the essence of His beauty. We (women) have been given many gifts by God but none more hated by the enemy than our ability to give life. After all, satan loves death and destruction and we threaten that with our very existence.

It was after a very rough day and some (ok, a lot of!) consoling by Lauren that I opened my journal and just started writing. Pouring out whatever words ended up on the paper. It was the 'me' that truly knows my worth in Christ who was talking to the 'me' that gets confused still because demons from the past try to bring me back to places in my life where I didn't feel loved by anyone, let alone feel the Love of Christ.

I am not posting this because I think it's amazing. It just seems like what I should do.

"You look at yourself as if you are the only one who hurts. Your heartaches are open wounds and you think something is wrong with you for that. You all too easily lose sight of the Love you have. You fall all too suddenly into old pits. You are loved by the Most High God and you still act as though you are not enough. You were created in His image and you STILL don't feel worthy enough? You are the essence of His beauty. You have uniquely feminine strength. You are a giver of life and you STILL think you have nothing to offer? How can you look in the mirror at His beautiful creation and just toss His love aside when it stares you straight in the face? Have you not heard that His love is unfailing? Have you not felt the grace of His Son's blood? Have you not seen the miracles He has worked in your life?

Kneel down. Arms outstretched. Cry out, broken before Him. When even your mother won't listen, your Father will comfort. His love will envelope you. Calm your mind. Rest your heart. Have no fear of being weary. He will have you soaring in no time. Trust Him with your heart when you feel it isn't safe with anyone else. Trust Him to protect you. Be obedient and be blessed.

You are safe in His arms. Let Him love you like noone else can."


TASK #84 ... COMPLETED 8/12

#11

GO TO A PLAY

Do you ever have those moments when you look back at things that you enjoyed as a kid and think "WOW. My parents let me watch that?!" or "What on earth was I thinking?"

I've had moments like that when I watched Grease. I mean... look at the lyrics to the song 'Greased Lightning'.



I went with Kristin to see Grease at the Fabulous Fox Theatre and found myself conflicted at times. Grease was one of my favorite movies growing up. Mostly, I had a difficult time with the ending.



This is the way I see it...

Danny and Sandy meet the summer before. They have no preconceived notions about the clique that either one may be a part of. There are no labels on each of them. They meet, hang out together and probably even like each other.



At the risk of seeming like a pansy, Danny talks about this girl he really liked as though she meant nothing to him at all. Realizes that she is now attending the same school where he goes. THEN, ignores her. Again, at the risk of being made fun of by his friends. Umm... What a ___?!?!



To top it off... By the end of the movie, Sandy has changed everything about herself just so she can please him (don't forget about Danny's crazy stint as a jock in order to get her). What are we saying here?! How long could that facade actually last?! Is it going to be 20 years down the road when she finally says, 'Danny, I never liked any of this stuff'?



It just makes me think about alot of people I see. Maybe it's because I've already been through a time when I was trying to be someone I wasn't, thinking I was happy (or eventually would be) and then realizing ultimately that I was a hollow shell of the woman I used to be. Our youth is trained (almost brainwashed) into believing they aren't complete until they are in a relationship. How about being complete before you ever enter a relationship!?! THAT will land you in a relationship that could stand the test of time. Don't you think you deserve that?


TASK #11 ... COMPLETED 8/16

#8

GRADUATE

This part of my list was a LONG time coming. The desire to further my education and get an advanced degree began even before my divorce. One thing that has been difficult about writing this post is because I wasn't quite sure how to describe the importance of this accomplishment without possibly speaking ill of someone. This blog isn't to put down others but for me to see all the ways the Lord has lifted me up.

I guess the best way for me to do this is to simply say that pursuing my Master's degree was discouraged due to time and money. Those of you closest to me know the depth of that statement and I'll just leave it at that.

I made the decision to finally apply for the graduate school at Piedmont College in October 2005. Classes started January 2006. In the midst of much bitterness and taking over the Relay for Life team at the school where I teach, I worked on my Master's. After what seemed like the LONGEST 16 months of my life, I graduated in May 2007 and immediately entered graduate school through the University of Florida College of Education. After all, I wanted to be able to take care of my two children all on my own - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mostly, financially. I remember telling people that I didn't want to be dependent on anyone else to support us. I wanted to try to do it all on my own.

There was a point in time when getting a Master's seemed impossible let alone getting my Specialist. It took just about 3 and 1/2 years to finally get it done but I did it. Not by my own strength and energy - that's for sure. Along the way, I received the help and encouragement of many friends. It feels weird now to not be consumed by anything other than my children once I get home. Through those years, it became habit to leave work at work so I could concentrate on graduate work when I went home. That habit seems to be a great one to stick with.

I leave school everyday with my keys and my phone. Because when I go home, I want to be HOME. It's not enough for me to just be physically present. I need to be physically involved when I am home. There is only so much time for me to lay the ground work for my children that they so desperately need when they become adults. I don't want to lose one precious moment anymore.

TASK #8 ... COMPLETED 7/27

#71

SHOOT A GUN

I remember the day my dad came home from the police academy with his gun. I was in the 8th grade. He took all the bullets out of the gun. Let my brother and I hold it and squeeze the trigger. Of course, nothing happened. He told us to let him know whenever we wanted to look at the gun because he would let us. That was the only time I ever went near it.

The next time I ever held a gun I was about 18 years old. My friend, Beth, was going with her dad (who was a police officer) to the range and she asked if I wanted to come along. If I remember correctly, I shot a .22 Luger and a 9mm. I don't remember how far the target was but I do know that I did a pretty bang up job (pun intended). ;)

When I was a kid, I wanted to be in the FBI. Then, I found out I had to carry a gun. umm... nope! This is a fear that has built up over the years. It took a bit before I had the courage to take the first shot when J took me to the range. I didn't flinch (or even kill anybody) but I was done! I was sweating profusely. There was more fear in me than when I went on the motorcycle ride.

I tried another shot a few minutes later and felt the same way. One of the wonderful things about J is his ability to give me just enough space but still push me gently enough to a point where I am willing to try things again. He asked if I wanted to try to shoot an entire magazine. Unwilling to cross this off my list after just shooting a gun twice, I took him up on it. I took my time on each shot. Aimed in the head and chest and unloaded the entire magazine. The 0.40 cal still sent a little jolt with every discharge but I felt much more comfortable and the fear slowly subsided. We even played a few 'games' to see who could shoot in a more closely knit grouping or closest to one of the numbers on the target. The only thing to worry about after was the soreness in my right shoulder. There's no guarantee that I'll try everything I'm afraid of (although doing this list is making me more open to it). One thing I do know is that beating J one time in a 'game' we played definitely makes me want to go back to the range and do it again. ;)
.....
It dawned on me that it hasn't been a fear of guns that I have had my entire life. It was the fear of something I didn't understand or have enough knowledge about. Look at the course of history (in the world or your own life). What were you so afraid of? Could you pick out something that you feared simply because you lacked knowledge of it? Or did you just rely on someone else's information without doing your own research? They say ignorance is bliss. This is so far from the truth! In our ignorance, we are scammed and cheated. In our ignorance, we allow people with too much power to become corrupt because their accountability (us) is blissfully at peace with their lives. In our ignorance, we become slaves without even knowing it.They might say that Ignorance is bliss. but Knowledge is Power.

TASK #71 .. COMPLETED 8/1

#44, #53, and #79

GO ON A ROADTRIP TO SEE THE SUNRISE AT THE BEACH

BUILD A SANDCASTLE

STAY UP FOR 24 HOURS

This adventure came on a whim. I was telling JIvey how I had some stuff to do on the list before the summer was over. She needed to see the sunrise also and said, "Let's go do that this week." Huh? Me? Do something spontaneous like that? No way. Now, some people would argue with the spontaneity of the trip since we didn't just pack up and leave but I think I'm going to disagree. When it comes to making decisions, I think everything to death and then still have a tendency to default to someone else for input. It's a bad habit, I know.

JIvey also asked another friend, Amanda if she wanted to go. She's more spontaneous than us so it wasn't a surprise that she joined us. JIvey and Amanda had a meeting at church Thursday night so I met them there. After making sure we had all of our stuff together, we went to a Waffle House close to I-85. We stayed there from about 9:30 - midnight and then headed on the road. Since my list said that I had to go on a roadtrip to see the sunrise, we tried to plan the trip just right. We wanted to get there in time AND try to avoid paying the cost for a hotel. I mean, I had to stay awake for 24 hours (NOT a smart idea for a road trip, by the way). The whole trip was about 4 hours or so. We had a riot. By 4am, we were deliriously hysterical. Between a pirate patch, water gun and cheeto fangs, we could have been mistaken for being under the influence. There are definitely pictures around that I'm hoping do not see the light of day (hint, hint, JIvey).

...

I didn't build the sandcastle until after the sunrise but I wanted to wait to talk about the sunrise. It was shocking to discover how absolutely ridiculous I felt when I was building the sand castle. The feeling only lasted for a little while but I realized how much more fun it is to actually build a sand castle with someone ... preferably kids. It looked horrible at first. After spending some time on it, it really started to come together. (hmm, certainly some sort of lesson to be had there. but I'm going to press on). It was not something that would be competitive in a sandcastle building contest but a couple of passersby took pictures.

Now for the sunrise... I really don't know if I have the words to describe the feelings I had when I watched the sunrise... It was inspiring and beautiful and I felt so at peace watching it. The pictures can't even capture HALF of its beauty.

It's been about three weeks now since we went to Tybee to see the sunrise but I was just talking to my 'kids' at Stage12 about it the other day. The lesson was about trusting in what you can't see (God) based on what you can see (all that He created). We talked about how everything somehow connects back to something God created. I'm not sure how the flow of the conversation went but I remember telling a young girl Elissa how wonderful it was that God had the whole sky to paint. And that's exactly what I saw that day on Tybee. We can paint a picture on a billboard if we want to but anything we do will never compare to the awe and wonder of a God who can paint the sky.

I am so looking forward to having that experience again. {sigh} :)

TASKS #44, #53 AND #79 ... COMPLETED 7/24