#25

REFLECT ON MY GREATEST WEAKNESS AND SEE HOW IT'S MY GREATEST STRENGTH.
This is by far the most difficult one to share. Maybe it will help me prepare for #95 (write a poem and read it aloud to an audience). I thought I would just post what I wrote in my journal tonight (with some inclusions and exclusions I need to make for clarity's sake)...

"My goodness! This one has been so difficult. Over the course of a couple of months, I have tried so hard to figure which weakness is my greatest strength and I feel like all I have done is focus on a variety of weaknesses. I finally decided that Kristin might be able to see a little more clearly. After all, she's known me longer than anyone else in Georgia has known me. It was well over an hour long conversation - which is a miracle since she has an 8-yr old, an 18-month old and a 36-year old. ;) (not to mention she is 7 1/2 mos. pregnant).
It wasn't difficult for her to point out the fact that my passion is one of my greatest strengths. I only see how it's one of my greatest weaknesses. There were alot of things we discussed throughout that conversation but a couple of comments really stuck out. I'm going to make myself a little (alright, alot) vulnerable here but I feel like it's necessary.

First, I recalled a time when Kristin said, "Ana, you have so much love to give and you didn't have anyone who was wanting to receive it." Second, she responded in a similar fashion when I made a comment about how I sometimes feel like I'm always the one "getting" and feel like I never have anything to give. I sometimes feel like other people are getting the "short end of the stick". (If it sounds like I'm being a little vague with these, it's because I am. All appropriate parties will understand this.) She quickly reminded me how she easily can see what I have to give. I could sense a little frustration in her voice as she told me. Not in a "for crying out loud, Ana!don't be stupid." way. More like "Why can't you see in yourself what others see?" kind of way.

She said something to the effect of "... to be so lucky as to be loved the way you love someone." And through processing with her, it hit me. God gave me this as a gift.

I am a passionate woman. I get excited over the silliest little things. I cry over what seems like nothing at all. My heart swells at the smallest act of kindness and it breaks over tiny hurts (even those that are not my own). I tend to take on other's hurts and mistakes and I always feel like I need to fix everything. It is not uncommon for me to get on my soapbox and rant with such fervor it would make grown men run to their mommas. (well, maybe not THAT bad but hopefully you get the idea). I know that God has given me the gift to love so deeply and so passionately because it is part of His purpose for me. It is so I can share His love with others who don't know Him. It is by no mistake that I have the ability to love this intensely. The only mistake would be for me to hold back and not use it for His glory.

So for anyone who comes across my path, watch out! There's alot of love headed your way!! :)"


TASK #25 ... COMPLETED 7/21

#22

LEARN TO MAKE AN ETHNIC DISH

One of my faults is always thinking I'm doing or have done something wrong. This trait is pretty prevalent when it comes to cooking (especially cooking something new).

Seriously, how pathetic is it that the first thing I say when I put a dish down is, "tell me what it's missing." I guess it's a defense mechanism. Maybe the sting won't be as bad if I already say that there's something wrong with it. I have this crazy idea that I have to be good at EVERYTHING the first time I do it and I'm not great at taking criticism. Deadly combination, I know.

What I need to do is learn to take advantage of the opportunities that mistakes afford me.
What I need to do is stop saying, "Tell me what it's missing."
What I need to do is start by saying something positive like "I hope you enjoy it" or "Bon Appetit" or "I hope you don't die" ;)







TASK #22 ... COMPLETED 7/7

#99

CATCH A FIREFLY

After my friend, Jessica, crossed this off of her list, a little fire was lit underneath me to get it done as well. After all, you really only see fireflies on warm nights and the end of summer is quickly approaching. I remember trying to figure out how (and where) I was going to get this done. Turns out, I didn't have to do any planning.

So I just had a thought. And it still continues to amaze me how God has revealed things to me through this list. I mean, here it is... 16 days AFTER I caught the firefly when I am finally getting around to posting on the blog and something that happened today just hit me while I am writing this. I had a whole other story posted but I'm feeling like this is a bit more important. So here we go...

Today (7/21), I had the opportunity to have lunch with four amazing young ladies who I have either taught or met through friends who I had the privilege to teach. We had some wonderful Greek food and sat on the steps of the gazebo at the Historic Courthouse in Downtown Lawrenceville. After catching up on summer plans and back to school plans the discussion moved to faith. Questions we had and things we have come to learn.

It's amazing how encouraged I get in my walk by talking to these young ladies. The reason why I bring this up is because the topic came up about 'best laid plans'. I was trying to devise plans to catch a firefly and God just did it His way. Isn't that always the case? We try so hard sometimes to keep things the way we want them. We spend countless hours until we have our life completely figured out. And then, God throws us a perfectly executed curveball. Reflecting on where I am in my life right now and where I thought I would be as a 30-year old woman... I am amazed. My life is nowhere near perfect. I still get sad and cry (more than I'd like to admit). Through all the bumps, bruises and broken hearts, I have never felt more loved - and overwhelmed by it - in my life.

He didn't always give me what I wanted but He always gave me what I needed.
Turns out, what I needed was what I always wanted but never knew it.
(Try saying THAT three times real fast) :)

TASK #99 ... COMPLETED 7/5

#12

MAKE A FUNKY CAKE (TEDDY GRAHAMS @ THE POOL)

This turned out to be a whole lot harder than I thought. It took me three times (third time's the charm, right?) to make this stinking cake. First, I didn't let the Jell-O chill long enough so the liquid went straight through the cake making a big puddle. Next, the cake fell apart when I took it out of the cake pan. FINALLY... I let the Jell-O chill and it came out great. The Jell-O thickened a little too much so the pool looked like it had waves in it but it still looked pretty darn good if I do say so myself. (And I do!) This picture is just of the pool with the graham cracker diving board.

It was so much fun to step out of the conventional cake baking and try something new. I might have failed (twice) but you only truly fail if you quit! (I can't take credit for that one. It's part of a quotation on a poster I have in my classroom.)

It was a hit at housechurch. Next time, I'm going to get fruit roll ups or fruit by the foot to make beach towels! AND... get little paper umbrellas. Do I have any volunteers for the next one? :)

TASK #12 ... COMPLETED 7/5

#87

JUMP IN A POOL WITH ALL MY CLOTHES ON

It had been the plan for awhile to complete this task at Jason's parents' house. I did have the opportunity beforehand (when I went off the diving board and did the flip) but I was excited about Jason's mom, Kim, being able to be a part of this. I think she was too. :)

This task wasn't about conquering any fears though. It was about just doing something silly for the sake of doing it. At what point does being an adult mean cutting out all of the silliness in your life? I wish I knew because I would have grabbed my shoulders, shook the crap out of myself and said, "You have such little time here on this Earth. God wants you to fulfill His purpose for you while you are here but having fun while you do it will make others want to be a part of it, too. Now...stop being lame and get your fun on."

TASK #87 ... COMPLETED 7/4

#60

HIT A GOLF BALL 50 YARDS

As much as I hate to admit this, I get frustrated easily. I want to be good at everything the first time I try it. It's something that I just need to come to grips with.

Things take time and definitely anything that is worthwhile. It's that whole instant gratification thing. Having everything ... yesterday.

Jason wanted to go to the driving range and knew it was on my list so he asked me if I wanted to go. Heck yeah! I had already tried (and failed) twice at crossing #12 (make a funky cake) off my list and it was the one thing that kept me from being half way done by the end of June.

It didn't take long before I hit the golf ball 50 yards but I couldn't do it consistently. Some of my shots were down right atrocious. I think one of the comments was "Well, at least you got it off the platform." Ugh!

He was patient and tried to give me tips. And I couldn't understand why golf is called "A Gentleman's Game." I wanted to be anything BUT a gentleman (well, a lady). A whole rainbow of words was rattling around in my head - and a few that escaped my lips. There were a few times where I just said, "That's it. I'm done."

Of course, a few minutes after I cooled off I was ready to go again. Finally, Jason realized that I wasn't turning my hips on the backswing. As soon as I did that, I was hitting everything. Not perfectly and not 200 yards but I was consistently hitting the ball. It felt great. I wasn't a lost cause. I just needed a little tweaking.

TASK #60 ... COMPLETED 7/3 OFFICIALLY HALFWAY DONE WITH THE LIST!! :)

#69

CLIMB A TREE

Somewhere over the years, I became afraid of heights. It's not the going up that scares me. It's the looking down. At times, I have had a slight feeling of vertigo.

Today, I took the kids to Little Mulberry Park. That park is one of my favorite places. It's so quiet and a couple parts of the park have an overlook where you can see a long skyline of Gwinnett County. There's one spot in particular that would be a beautiful place to have a late picnic and then just sit on a blanket to watch the sunset. I haven't tested this theory yet but the idea just makes me smile.


The kids and I walked around to look for a good climbing tree. I saw a couple that might be okay to climb. After getting a few feet off the ground, I realized I had nowhere to go and hadn't climbed near enough to cross it off my list. This happened twice. My daughter wanted to give up at that point and go on the playground but I was determined. I "asked" her, as only a mom does, if we could try a little bit longer. And that's when we found it. A tree growing out of the ground at just the right angle and with just the right amount of branches for support.

By this point, the kids (yes, my daughter included) were excited to find a tree to climb and decided to try it for themselves. I tried to remind them to pay attention on the way up - and mostly on the way down. That is actually the worst part: coming down. You've already climbed the tree and just head closer to the ground without paying attention. Falling off this tree would have posed some seriously problems. Just below the branch where we sat was a tiny ravine of sorts with rocks and broken tree limbs in it. A hospital trip if I ever saw one.

The best part of this whole thing was to see the enthusiasm my children had in climbing the tree. They were a bit hesitant at first but seeing me try to climb the other two trees may have let them know that it was okay. It's such a clear indicator that they react based on my reactions. Being afraid like I have been for all of their lives has only given them (my little girl mostly) an inherent fear of things before even trying them. No bueno.


TASK #69 ... COMPLETED 7/2

#67

PAINT A PICTURE

Before picking up the kids from their grandparents today, I tried to make my funky cake (#12 on the list). I poured the Jell-O into what would eventually be the pool and the pool had a leak. Usually, I would be completely frustrated. At having to start over. At having to purchase cake mix and Jell-O again. At having failed. Not this morning. Maybe that patience I've been praying for is finally kicking in. Lord knows I've had plenty of opportunity to practice being patient.


So, I cleaned up the mess (which fortunately was contained onto the curved plate where the cake sat) and decided to paint a picture. When my mom was visiting back in May, she bought me an "Acrylic Painting for Dummies" kit from Wallie World (aka Wal-Mart). It was so calming to paint. Even though this picture isn't perfect (by my standards anyway), I really enjoyed the quiet mindless time. Now, I just have to get over the fact that these aren't perfect circles. Darn this OCD...

My kids saw the picture when they got home from their Mema and Papa's house and my little girl loved it. She wanted to paint a picture of her own. And after my little boy played on the keyboard for a little bit, he joined in as well. Such awesome teachable moments. He couldn't find the green paint so we mixed a couple of colors together and ... VOILA! green. We experimented a little more and learned:


red + blue = purple
red + yellow = orange
yellow + blue = green
red + white = pink



It was awesome. When we were making green, I started out with blue and then added yellow. We didn't quite get the color we wanted so I asked him, "what do we do?" He enthusiastically replied, "Add more yellow!" This is what learning should look like.



TASK #67 ... COMPLETED 7/2

#62

LEARN TO SAY ______ IN SPANISH (TBD)

It was back in April when I was told that English just isn't good at conveying meaning sometimes. The example went something like this:

buona notte bella - Italian
boa noite linda - Portuguese
Buenas noches bella - Spanish
Good night beautiful - English

If you've ever heard someone speak the other three languages (even better to have heard those phrases exactly), you may have melted a little bit. I know I do. There's just something choppy and blunt about English while other languages just seem to roll off the tongue and send shivers up your spine.

I spent three years in high school taking Spanish. I remember a good bit and can decipher things still if I can pick out the key words and figure out the context. On a daily basis, you will hear me say "no bueno". A student of mine taught me some things last school year but none of them really seemed worthy of checking off my list.

So what finally worked? "Te amo con todo mi corazón." I love you with all of my heart.

I don't know that it was necessarily this particular phrase that seemed worthy as much as that conversation back in April. The one problem with all this is that I know I will need a ton of practice in order to make this phrase sound as romantic as someone who speaks Spanish well. I guess I better get started.

TASK #62 ... COMPLETED 7/1