#18

SKIP SCHOOL

Let me preface this by saying that I rarely take personal days. I hate missing work because it always creates more stress (and work) when I am not at school.

About a month or so before Jason's birthday, he sent a group invite to let people know he wanted to go to a concert the night of his birthday but was taking the day off to hangout downtown before then.

A week before everything happened I let Jason know that I was planning on taking the day off with him to hang out and celebrate the day of his birth. I filled out the personal leave form and got ready for a wonderful day off. By the time his birthday rolled around the next week, I was trying to figure out what on earth I was supposed to do for him for his birthday. I asked a couple of friends of mine for suggestions and finally just settled on going to his house in the morning and making him breakfast. His mom and roommate were going to be there as well so I brought plenty of food. Turns out I am turning more and more into my grandmother every day. (She always has enough food to feed a small country when there are only a half dozen people needing to be fed). I brought the fixin's for french toast (including syrup and powdered sugar), strawberries, eggs and cheese for omelets and sausage. It took awhile. I was really nervous about messing up his birthday breakfast but it turned out all right. I mean, his roommate did ask if I could come back and make breakfast again. The most important part is that nobody got sick. :)

The weather was not the best that day so the day downtown turned into hanging out on the couch watching movies. His mom mentioned how she had never seen "The Princess Bride". OMGoodness... Can you believe it?! We decided she HAD to see it so the three of us sat on the couch and watched the movie. Jason's brother and dad came to visit for awhile and his roommate went to work. "The Princess Bride" was followed by "Fight Club". Interesting combination, don't you think?


After the movies, Jason, his mom, and I headed down to Little Five Points to a restaurant called... hmm... Crap, I can't remember the name of that place. J, you're gonna have to help me out on this one. Anyhow, about 7 or 10 people met us at this restaurant. I would love to suggest it to you all if you are ever in Little Five Points but ... well, you know. I DO remember that it is right down the street from the Variety Playhouse where we went for the show. It's a pub/grill type restaurant. Man, this is going to bug me until I get the name. I know it has a P somewhere in the title. Anyhow... let us continue...

The dinner was followed by a great show by The Punch Brothers, a folky band. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to enjoy it. I listened to a little bit from their website and was not all that thrilled. BUT... it was Jason's birthday and that's what he wanted to do and sometimes we suck it up for people we care about. Turns out, I REALLY enjoyed the show. Watching them live was a great experience. And I would go see them again. I love how personal live shows are compared to just listening to CDs. The Variety Playhouse is not the smallest establishment I have ever seen live music; however, the personality of the musicians comes out in shows that you wouldn't get a chance to experience otherwise. THAT is what made it great.

All in all. It was a great night. A couple of poor judgment calls lead to a little bit of drama but it was nothing devastating. More of just a learning experience. Sometimes we make decisions that wind up causing more harm than good. I'm not talking about intentionally trying to hurt someone's feelings. It is obvious those choices would cause more harm than good. I'm talking about the times where we make a decision that we think is the best possible choice at the time and it turns out that decision is actually the exact opposite of what is best. All you can do is ask forgiveness and do your best not to let it happen again.

Think about it this way. Sometimes we expect things to happen a certain way. When those expectations are not met, our feelings are hurt and sometimes we tend to get bitter or resentful because of it. Honestly, it is not like the other person is bad because of it. We are just mad or sad but instead of owning those feelings and finding a constructive way to deal with them, we let it fester. The best way to deal with it is to have honest and open communication about what happened, relay your expectations and how they weren't met and figure out how to avoid similar situations in the future. It's like I tell my children when they fall down, "Get up. Brush off. Move on. You're good." I'm not suggesting that is necessarily what happened. I'm just making suggestions in case any of you out there tend to do that. ;)

Despite the minor drama, I really had a GREAT day. The only problem with skipping school is that I want to do it more often. I think I'll just try to hold out until summer vacation. May 20th, you cannot come fast enough!!


TASK #18 ...COMPLETED 3/27

#9 and #14...

GO ON ONE DATE ... AND ... TRY A NEW ETHNIC FOOD

At this point, I am a few blog posts behind. In fact, a few of them are at least a month late. I have been stalling simply because there is one particular person who is involved in most of them. At the time, it seemed a bit difficult to post my feelings knowing that he was going to read them. By now, he has a pretty good idea how I feel and anything in here wouldn't (or shouldn't) be much of a surprise.

Let me start with a little (actually, quite a bit of) background info...

In late March/early April 2008, a friend of mine invited me to hang out at a little pub called Brick Store down in Decatur. A group of people were going to be there and her friend, Jason, was very patient with me as I kept forgetting the directions to get there. I met several other people that night and experienced a new side of that friend. Let's just say that "Drama" is definitely her middle name. After that night, I saw Jason at church and other places out and about. We were friends with the same group of people. He was friendly, funny and interesting but I was not interested in anything more than friends. My hope was that he wasn't interested in more than that either. I definitely did NOT want him to be interested actually.

In August, a musician named Mindy Smith was going to play at Eddie's Attic in Decatur and Jason invited a large group of people to go. Only one other person other than myself and Jason wound up being able to make it. At the last minute, Allison couldn't go. So here we are, Jason and I are the only ones out of a large group of people who are actually going. I was a little nervous to say the least. We weren't more than acquaintances and now we were going to be spending a good bit of time together. I drove and he paid for my cherry coke, sweet potato fries and Eddie's Attic beignets. (a GREAT combination by the way)

The show was awesome and the company was just as good. By the time I dropped him off, the conversation turned to a girl that Jason was interested in at the time. I remember thinking to myself, "Good. I can be friends with this guy and not worry about him liking me." Little did I know...

So the months go by and we become better friends all the while with me thinking this is great. I have a guy friend who I don't have to worry about liking me. In the mean time, I started liking him. Our group of friends would get lunch after church. He made me laugh and was good with my kids. When we had one-on-one conversations, they were deep and thought provoking. Friends of mine whom I worked with were noticing I was talking about this guy, Jason, quite a bit and finally got the nerve to ask, "Are you sure you don't like this guy? You talk about him all the time." I simply answered, "NO! We're just friends." And then I would give them a list of reasons why it would never work out. None of which I can remember now.

Over Christmas break, a good portion of the people I hung out with were going to be out of town and I knew it was going to be tough. Jason and his parents were kind enough to let me and my kids come over on Christmas Day and hang out. I brought my grandpa's almost famous apple pie and forgot the dish there. When Jason brought it over, he played video games with the kids. After they went to bed, he and I played until about 1 o'clock in the morning. It was awesome.

It was the next week around New Year's when I finally admitted to myself and out loud to friends that I liked Jason. No one seemed shocked. In fact, my friends all had these crazy smiles on their face because they already knew what I was denying. I tried to act totally cool when I was around him.

By mid- to late January 2009, I finally told him how I felt. It was the sweetest rejection I had ever had.
haha... :)

We went through a series of peaks and valleys in our friendship over the next couple of months. It isn't easy trying to be friends with someone you have feelings for especially when he knows. But I told myself and him that his friendship was so much more important to me than being with him. As difficult as it was, it was still true. Some called me a masochist. That could be true also. Who knows?

So here we are... late March 2009...

One evening after coming back in town from a business trip, Jason came over to help me pick out the dress I was going to wear to chaperone the Junior/Senior Prom. We watched a movie like we had done a dozen times before and then... had the talk. He finally came to his senses. :) He wanted to see where this could possibly go.

The depth of the conversation is definitely more than that but that's all you need to know.

He wanted to take me to this Thai restaurant that he really likes and let me know what time he was going to be picking me up. After all, it was a date... :)

For all you women out there reading this, let me tell you that chivalry is not dead. I had decided several years ago there was not a man left who was available who would fit my crazy standards. Strong but sensitive. A gentleman but not a pushover. Funny but could have serious conversations.

He looked great when he picked me up. Complimented me on how I looked. Opened the door for me EVERY time I got into his truck. He knew I was on a restricted diet and asked the lady at the restaurant about other options that would suit my diet but still let me order for myself.

I'm probably saying more than he would want me to at this point. After all, he wouldn't want me to ruin his "tough guy" image. HAHAHAHA... Every one who really knows Jason though, knows that he is more of a teddy bear than a grizzly bear. If not, then they know it now.

We had a great time and have been on several dates since. I am very excited to see where this goes. It has been a looooong time since I have felt as content as I do now. There are so many things I have learned about myself over the course of my friendship with Jason. He is one of the friends who actually influenced this 100 Things list to begin with. I can only thank God for bringing this man into my life... for however long that may be.

It seems weird to refer to him as "the guy I'm dating" or even as "my boyfriend". I mean, he's not some random guy that I go on dates with. I feel funny saying boyfriend just because I haven't had one since I was in college and I am quite a few years older than that now. To borrow from someone very special to me, "He's just Jason. And that's good enough for me." ;)

TASK #9 AND #14 ... COMPLETED 3/25

#78

TAKE A PICTURE WITH A STRANGER

Some people thought I should just pick a stranger off the street to take a picture with. How many times do I have to tell them that this list isn't something that HAS to be done? It is a list that is intentional and I wait for prompts for a lot of the things on my list. With that being said, let's move along...

Last weekend (3/21) was the Prom at the Fabulous Fox Theatre. A couple girlfriends and I were chaperones. First of all, Prom is an event I always like to attend because it gives me an excuse once a year to dress up. I feel beautiful and feminine. I make sure I dance to the "Cha Cha Slide" and the "Cupid Shuffle." Most importantly, I always have a great time seeing my students. It's an opportunity for me to connect with my students outside of the classroom.

So...the theme was "It's Vegas Baby" and an Elvis Impersonator was there to help raise money for Relay for Life. What better stranger to take a picture with than Elvis?!?! And we were giving to a good cause.

I met 'Elvis' and he told me to hold onto his mic. There was a little trouble with the camera so I had to pose with 'Elvis' a little longer than usual. Under normal circumstances, this would not be a problem. But this 'Elvis' was not normal. I should have known from the beginning. He had so much make-up on his face that he almost looked like a guy from a wax museum. While we were waiting for what seemed like an eternity, 'Elvis' was breathing heavily down my neck. I have not seen the picture yet. My concern is that my face will reflect the disgust I had during the time. In that case, I won't have documentation and I'll have to find another stranger.

TASK #78..... COMPLETED 3/21

#5

RIDE A MOTORCYCLE

This is one of the things on my list that made me extremely nervous. Growing up, I was told REPEATEDLY that I was never to get on a motorcycle. They weren't motorcycles. They were donor-cycles. And they weren't safe. While still intrigued, I was always too scared to try it. The limited access to one helped with staying away.

Both my stepdad and my father-in-law have a motorcycle now. My MOM even got her license within the last few years. She said, "Just in case we're riding somewhere and I need to get us back home." Riiiiight, Mom! ;)

On March 6th, a friend and her husband were having a little get together at their house. I was not there long before:

Stanley: "I hear you have to ride a motorcycle."
me: "Yeah. It's one of my 100 things."
Stanley: "Well, what are we waiting for?"
me (with my heart in my stomach and hands out in a defensive position): "Whoa. Wait. I have to mentally prepare for this."

That didn't seem to phase Stanley (or Kristen, who had a big grin on her face). It was one of those moments that seemed to take forever. Something in me - or Someone - said, "Do it."

I have never considered myself spontaneous. Making decisions has often become so painstakingly difficult that I get "paralysis of analysis". Instead of weighing all of my options and choosing the best course of action, I think SO much and become so afraid of making the wrong decision that I don't make one at all.

There is a quote that has come to mind so frequently as of late that I felt the need to post it here.

"There came a time when the risk to remain in the bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin

WOW! I have remained "in the bud" for thirty years. Perhaps that is why one of my dreams as a kid was to be an action hero (think Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider). I wanted to be what I didn't think I was capable of.

Anyhow, let's get back to the motorcycle ride. :)

Armed with my helmet and some prayers, I got on the back of the motorcycle with Stanley. He just took me for a short ride. The area around his and Kristen's house is filled with beautiful trees and homes. It was so peaceful but... I was on the back of a motorcycle.

IT
WAS
AWESOME!

Every now and then, we would hit a long straight strip of road and Stanley would go a bit faster. I was nervous the first time but felt an amazing rush. Each time after that, I wanted to tell him to go faster but was afraid I would actually get what I wished for. :)

Every time I see a motorcycle now, I want to get on one. It felt pretty powerful and I wasn't even driving it. Now, I think how amazing the experience was besides the ride.

I took the chance despite the risk.
I took the chance despite some deeply ingrained and debilitating fears.
But, I took back the power I had given to my fears.
And the reward was more than worth it. Imagine that!

I leave you with some great quotes about taking risks...

"The most important thing is this: To be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become." ~ W.E.B. Du Bois

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic."
~ Author Unknown

"Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise."
~Author Unknown

"Take into account that great love and great accomplishments involve great risks."
~ H. Jackson Browne, Jr. "Life's Little Instruction Book"

TASK #5...COMPLETED 3/6

#48

MAKE A SNOW ANGEL


Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I smile (and laugh) a lot. I talk a lot too but that's not relevant to this post.

There are a few things; however, that cause me to wear a perm-a-grin. It is typically because I am so overwhelmed with a sense of peace or happiness. I also do not even realize how big the smile is until someone comments on it.

Before heading to church on March 1st, the kids and I noticed that the rain was slowly turning into the fattest flakes of snow we had ever seen. My little girl's reaction was "I hope it doesn't snow because then we can't go to church." The thought never crossed my mind. After all, church is my weekly therapy provided free of charge by God. How could I pass it up? I simply told her, "No way. We are going to church. Mommy needs it." :)

By the time we made it to the 1 o'clock service, the rain turned completely to snowflakes. Once we left the service, the snow was in full force (I think I even heard thunder). Instant perm-a-grin. There is just something about the falling of snow that is refreshing for me. It signifies a new beginning. Everything that was blemished before (like my front lawn) is covered with thick beautiful flakes. I always stop and stare at the falling snow. I do not know what it is about it. It puts me in a trance and gives me new energy.

My car had a thick covering of snow on it and after careful driving, we made it home safely. The kids hit each other with snowballs for a few minutes before we had to go in. The wind was picking up a little.

I received a small reminder that I needed to go back outside and make my snow angel so I could cross another thing off my list. Not wanting to feel like a failure for missing out on the opportunity I threw my jacket on minus the inside lining (not a smart idea, by the way) and went back outside with the kids. They quickly made their snow angels, which looked great. I passed the camera off to my daughter and my son decided to make another snow angel right in the middle of the last good spot (my spot).

I quickly laid down in the snow (half in the lawn and half on my driveway) and started to make my snow angel. The whole time (all 5 seconds of it) I said over and over, "It's so cold." At one point, though, I looked over at my son next to me and saw how completely content he was in the snow. He was giggling like crazy. My heart smiled. How awesome to be five years old and so completely without worry! If you have ever heard a child's laughter, then you know what I am talking about.

I remember the first time I ever saw my first real snow. It was Winter of 2002 and I was pregnant with my daughter. We got almost six inches at our house. I felt like a little kid at Christmas. That time, I was able to take my time with the snow angel (mostly because I had a little bit of a belly at that point and had a hard time getting up). It was perfect. I felt so happy in that moment. I was a few months from having my first child. My husband was so excited to watch me experience my first time in the snow and the thick white flakes made everything new again.

I am looking for that experience again. It is too easy to get caught up in all the little hassles in life. I definitely have a gift for ranting and raving at times. And when I get started, there is no stopping me. At this point in my life, I am ready for that thick blanket of white fluffy flakes to fall. To make everything new. To make everything pure again. I want it to remind me of all that I have, all that I am and give me hope for all that I will become. The time has come again for me to get that perm-a-grin. To feel that absolute sense of joy that I usually feel when the snow falls.

I do not expect it to come just because I am hoping for it. It is something that I need to work at as well. And it is something that will be all in God's time.

I was looking for a poem that might give a small glimpse into how I feel about snow and realized a great place to look would be in the Bible. I was right. The chapter from Isaiah below is such an awesome reminder for me to turn to the Lord when I need that new energy. That the snow returns to the heavens but not without first "watering the earth" to help it "bud and flourish" (Isaiah 55:10). The snow has fallen. Each day, I am getting closer to some sort of breakthrough. I feel like the flower who is going to bud. I am so excited... I've got a new reason to have a perm-a-grin. :)

Isaiah 55

Invitation to the Thirsty

¹ "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

² Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

³ Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

⁴ See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

⁵ Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."

⁶ Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

⁷ Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

⁸ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

¹² You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

¹³ Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

TASK #48...COMPLETED 3/1

#38

DO A 1000-PIECE JIGSAW PUZZLE

This has been the most challenging and most enlightening task to date. Some of you are thinking, "Really?! A 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle was the most challenging." Yeah... it was.

It wasn't the actual puzzle. That was time consuming but not exceptionally difficult. What was most challenging were the realizations I had during the process. I mean, think about life and relationships as you would approach a puzzle. Better yet... think about the approach to the puzzle as if it were from God.

You get this box with a wonderful picture on the front (your life). You have NO idea how many pieces are necessary to complete the puzzle but you are pretty sure that the 10 tiny pieces God has included will not complete the entire picture.

At first you start off great... After all, my five year old can complete a 10-piece puzzle. You begin to set up the boundaries for the picture and then try to start matching up pieces that go together. As soon as it seems you have run out of pieces, God throws a few more in to help you see a more accurate picture of the completed puzzle. Trouble arises when you see a piece that looks like it completes one section of your puzzle. It seems like it fits. Everything about the piece makes you think that it fits. You try a number of different rotations to insert the piece and it just does not fit. But you think, "It has to go there. That's the only place it can belong."
As much as you hate to admit it, you move the piece aside. It has a place somewhere. You know that but it is not where you thought (or hoped) it would be. Your puzzle is still left incomplete. Apply this to any aspect of your life (a job, a friendship, a relationship, whatever). It's almost like a toddler. You want it done and you want it done YESTERDAY...Instant gratification is such a killer, isn't it?

What I realize is that instant gratification is just that...instant. It's rarely long lasting and it definitely does not fill you as much as something you have worked at for awhile. We (or maybe just I) tend to want something at the very second I think about it and never give it sincere thought past the moment it would satisfy whatever momentary desire I have. In fact, if I think over the last few years, I can recall specific instances where I wanted something, got it and then realized that I really did not want it in the first place. Maybe God is trying to get me to slow down a little. Maybe He is trying to grow me up in places of my life where I have always faltered in the past. Maybe He is getting me to realize (slowly) that He really does know what He is doing. ;)

I am slowly changing. Not for the worst. Not for the better. For the best. He is doing things in me that I could never imagine. He is training me out of some bad habits. It took years for me to turn into a woman I did not recognize (nor would I want to if given the choice). Now, I am slowly turning into the woman I was meant to be. The woman that He created me to be. And I like it.

TASK #38...COMPLETED 3/1