BONUS #2

GET A TATTOO/PIERCING



Most of you who read this know my story. You know almost four years ago was when I got divorced and a series of hurts followed that. I tried a number of things to fill the huge, gaping hole in my heart and nothing work. It wasn't until August 2006 when my divorce attorney (yes, that's right!) told me to get my butt in church or she would fire me that my life began to change.

Before that, for about 18 years actually, I only went to church with my grandmother on Mother's Day or Christmas. Don't get me wrong. I had no strong feelings AGAINST God. My family had just stopped going to church. I believed in God and Jesus but it was just a religion. There was nothing heartfelt about it. There was no relationship. I remember walking into the first church I tried with just me and my kids. Something that was unheard of at the time. I didn't have the confidence to choose which way to go to the mall (some of you know that story) let alone walk into a huge church where I knew NO ONE.

The people were nice. The music was enjoyable. BUT... there was something missing from the message. It came across as trying to make me afraid NOT to go to church, trying to make me afraid NOT to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and I didn't like it. I think I've mentioned before how stubborn I am but just in case... Understand that I will fight as hard as I can to do the EXACT opposite of what you want if you try to tell me to do it. I called my friend Kristin after the service and let her know how I felt about the service. She let me know that she was going to try another church the next week and invited me and the kids to tag along.

That next Sunday, Kristin and I sat and listened to one of the pastors speak about having a global relationship with God vs. a personal relationship with Him. He told us the difference between believing there is a God to feeling His presence in our lives. Kristin and I looked at each other at the end of the service and were hooked. We both felt the pastor was talking just to us.

I joined a Single Moms small group, developed some good friends whom I still have today and began to see some amazing changes in my life. The one area where I still struggled tremendously was trusting God to take care of my heart. I had put up so many walls around my wounded heart and I wasn't even willing to relinquish control to Him. May 2007 brought on changes in the small groups at church. All of the small groups were to take a hiatus for the summer. My small group leader suggested I take the DivorceCare class offered at the church. I was hesitant but did it anyway. I learned some valuable lessons but still was resistant in accepting Christ. There was still bitterness and resentment in my heart, still an unforgiving nature toward others and still an unforgiving nature toward myself. At the end of the class, in August 2007, I remember watching one of the videos. One of the ladies in the video said something along the lines of, "God does not like divorce; in fact, He hates it. But he allows it to happen because it is taking us along a path that He did not mean for us to be on." It was then that I realized I could start forgiving myself. It was around that same time that I went from knowing that Christ died on the cross for me to realizing the weight of what He did for me. I remember crying when I realized the weight of that. How much He loved ME to do that!!

A series of circumstances delayed my baptism but on February 17, 2008, I was baptised and the changes in my life have been astounding since then. I am not completely without my walls. After all, they take awhile to get broken down and God can't (actually, he WON'T) do it. He gave us free will to make all the hard-headed choices we want. I can say that the holes I once filled with temporary things of this world are now filled with the love of Christ, something that will NEVER change. And from that love, I will be able to pour out more love to others. It is such an amazing feeling. It is one that I want to be remembered of every day because I know that times will not always be as they are for me now. Things will get tough and my heart will hurt again but I know that I have the love of the Lord in my heart and He will help me pull through ANYTHING, if I let Him.

And that is the significance of the tattoo. And that is why I feel completely content to have it permanently on my body.

BONUS TASK #2...COMPLETED 4/7